<3 *Tarah* <3

“Somebody once wrote that we run away from our dreams when we are afraid of failing. Even worse, when we are afraid of succeeding.”

- One of the many inspirational quotes from the movie Finding Forrester –

 This blog is thanks to my friend blogger http://mimulus.wordpress.com/ you should check out her blog!!!

I have dreams to big for this world, and I know it. I don’t let my dreams be dreams though. I try my hardest everyday to make my dreams become reality. A few months ago my world came crashing down on me. I was like no one I’ve EVER wanted to be. I was scared. I was a broken heart that wasn’t worth fixing.  Then I realized I was whatever I wanted myself to be so I changed my ways fast. Now Im on my way to becoming the young woman I’ve dreamed of being.  Friends that care make me want to keep going.

I hope everyone has friends that care,  reassuring them, makes them know that.

Ive always been intrueged, I guess you could say, by the emo/ scene kids that sit around Starbucks and play guitar, drink coffee,smoke their pot, and wear black and skinnnnnnyyy jeans.  I have always wondered what the motive behind their actions were, either to escape reality or learn more about themselves then anyone would EVER want to know.  Either way its kind of cool, yet mildly desturbing  to care so little yet so much.

Have you ever wondered how guys fit into those skinny jeans. I have. I also took the intitiative to ask. The answer is quite simply really, tuck and roll.

Anyways, I realized I had never seen and Emo kid swim before. Two possiblities either they don’t wear bathing suits, or they look nothing like their emo selves when they do wear a bathing suit so that noone notices.

Emo  stands for emotional, but I can’t say if they are in touch with their emotionals , or emotionally unstable.

Scene Kids say that the style got started in Nashville, TN where the “music scene” is.

*RANDOM* In Washington they call buggys.. carts. Isn’t that wierd?

What do you call  them?

Slimy insects, retarded tents, retarded people trying to put up tents, and dusk, don’t make for good camping. No worries though, cause we are from Tennessee and went straight up G on that campsite. Its all harder than it looks, getting ready to camp that is.  Jill, Megan, and I went for a GNO ( girls night out) of camping. We got laughed at by a bunch of queers in their camper while we were roughing it trying to put up a tent. We succeeded, so suck that queers.  We made a fire, all because Jill took our air matress pump and blew it into the embers. Smores are very tastey with bark in them, its like a new kind of cereal, Fiber Yum. Taking the tent down was the hard part. We ended up putting it into my truck half way assembled. We also found out that trash tends to burn better than wood, even though your not supposed to burn it. But Hey what can we say, we needed a fire! Camping is over for now.. until next.

Don’t you wish that sometimes the world would just stop, pause, give you a break. Well it doesn’t so welcome back to reality. The world doesn’t care. It doesn’t care if you are down to your last penny or over your head in debt. It doesn’t care if your heart is broken, matter of fact it probally thrives off heart breaks, evil things, manipulative commments, it only wants to kill,steal and destroy, not build you up. Take a look around, noone is safe here, you need someone to care for you. Not everyone has someone that cares, thats why we need to break out of shell of selfishness and surround ourselves in a shell of selflessness. The world is a terrible place, if you let it be. Don’t hide yourself in a shadow, show your true colors in the sun. Im not writing this to be all HAPPY and annoying and all about CARING FOR OTHERS Im writing this to show that good things can happen. You just to have to make the initiative and go for it.

Narcotics, pain killers, anything that makes you sleep, Ive tried it, doesn’t work. I haven’t slept in five days. Its not that Im trying not to, its that I can’t. I have so much stuff on my mind right now, its driving me crazy, literally! School, work, house, car, food, everything Ive come to take for granted is slowly being taken away from me. Im trying so hard to put this puzzle together, but the pieces are fallin into the floor. Im trying so hard to grin and bare it, to smile, but its like I forgot how. I want to remember but Ive lost myself, and its scaring me, Ive lost myself  and Im trying to hold on, brace myself for what is to come. Everything works out that is meant to. I have been convinced of that , I truly believe that, that God is in control. I wish tears would heal everything, it would be easier that way, but it doesn’t.  But I think Ill be able to sleep tonight, cause Im turning all my trouble over to Him. Im know thats the way its supposed to be. Now worrying isnt one of them, stupid planes, and brother lol

Laying on the ground looking up at the sky.

As I begin to think , my soul begins to cry,

Tears that burn the fabric of time.

Nothing seems to stay in line.

Sitting in the darkness,

Its hard to stay awake,

But the thoughts of you linger there,

In a dreamy kind of state.

The kind of state that gives you chills,

Makes you want to break the barrier, anything you will.

Sitting and thinking like only the impossible can get me through,

Suddenly I can talk to you.

Now  my voice is kind of shaky,

Hiding 7 weeks of tears.

My hands pointed toward the sky,

From 7 weeks of prayer.

Continue on the last I will do,

Because it is what pulled me through.

(I hope you dont hate this, or me.)

Looking out the window
its hard to see your face
kind of blurry like a shadow
yet warm like your embrace
I feel it creep upon me
my head is in your hand
i see us very vividly
drawing pictures in the sand
laying, unmoved by shreds of times
my memories begins to pass
the only memories i can hold on to
are the ones I want to last
I pick them out very carefully
treating each one the same way
unless it includes you
then I put it in my pocket
and save it for a rainy day
My pockets keep filling
yet on the table, memories are few
then I realize, the only memories I want to last
Are the ones of you.

Ive changed, for the better. Im back, thankful for warm weather. But things won’t change once the weather ends, thanks to all my new friends. I wasn’t proud of who I became, standing outside in the pouring rain. Its over now, Ive left who I had become, behind. Im so glad because now I can find, the person that I want forever to be. I hope everyone likes the new me!

Everyone has flaws, right? Well people try to hide them, but if everyone has flaws then why hide them? I have flaws, no one is perfect, but my dad seems to like to rub them in my face. I try to stay out of his way, he is the most intimidating person I have ever met. No matter how hard I try to avoid it, we seem to constantly be at each other. I tried to talk to him, he only seems to block me out of his world, like I used to try to do to him, until I matured. Im kind of scared of him, ok Im FULLY scared. Yes, I do have him tied around my finger, I guess you could call it a LOVE - HATE relationship. I wish he would just love me, not hate me, thats what I want, kind of what I need to finish maturing, daddy’s guidance, not his puishments and yelling, his wisdom and understanding. Understanding that I really am truly sorry, and I really mean it, his understanding that I am growing up and want to try things to learn, not just be warned about the consequences. Daddy Im sorry, I wish I could take everything back that ever hurt you, hurt me , I wish I could be Daddy’s little girl once again, I wish you would understand me, but you can’t seem to figure me out, Daddy please try, try Daddy please.

Have you ever known you where doing something wrong, but did it anyway. Did it for no reason, no explantion. Which doesn’t help your case at all, with your parents, or whomever. Well I have, and I felt so stupid, so INCREDIBLY stupid, no punishment in the world could ever teach/ help me realize what I did, except realizing and admitting my stupidity. Its hard to say what exactly was going through my mind but what ever it was went through it and the consequences were bad. I was sorry the instint it happened, I asked for forgiveness to whom it applied, I realized the consequences of my actions, no further consequence will EVER be needed. Its over, all we can do is wait, forgive and forget, and no sympathy is required. All people do stupid things, but it takes a step forward, a step of not really maturity, but of understanding/ knowledge something no one will ever understand until they experience what you have, but everything is not the same, you can never experience the same thing twice. So take these words with you, “Be careful what you do little one, because it only comes back on you and your younger brother” - a book.